The Book of Ephesians Pt. 49 Christ & His Church Modeled in our Marriage.

We have learned a great deal about what it means to walk the worthy walk, to walk in love, walk in light, walk circumspectly, walk in the good works that God has prepared for each believer and not walking in the vanity of our minds. 

We have been warned about sinful things to "put off" and have been given many godly things to "put on." We have seen that we have spiritual duties that flow from the doctrinal truth Paul taught. Paul has been patiently teaching us that the doctrinal truths have been given to us so that our belief impacts our behavior.

In this lesson Paul is going to teach us about proper family order from God's perspective. 

Wives show their love for God by submitting to their husbands. 

Ephesians 5:22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

Paul begins with the husband and wife relationship. The Church’s relation to Christ in His everlasting purposes is the foundation and model for the three greatest human relationships, that of husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33), parent and child (Ephesians 6:1-4), and master and servant (Ephesians 6:4-9).

The context of defining these relationships is the preceding verse (5:21) where we learned that as the Spirit of God fills each believer, the body of Christ will experience unity and we will submit one to another for the sake of Christ and the gospel. Thus, unity within the family begins with submission. Submission of a husband to Christ, submission of a wife to her husband, and a child to it's parents, or a slave to his master will be a recurring theme.

Wives are called on to submit to their husband. The word "submit" means to yield to a husband's admonition or advice, to be in subjection to him or to obey him. The idea of wives submitting themselves to their husbands does not carry any hint of inferiority regarding the wives. Rather, this is how God's plan intends to establish proper order in the home. 

The Divine Order for Marriage

Genesis 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

Genesis 2:23-24  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

God knew that it was not good for Adam to dwell alone, especially after He caused all the animals to pass before him so that he could give them names. The text implies that Adam noticed male and female of each kind of creature that he named, and he must have wondered why he did not have a female counterpart. 

God gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet. The word "helpmeet" means an opposite counterpart and helper who would assist in Adam's endeavors and who would be his completer. She would be his wife and they would be knit together in marriage, working together on the tasks God appointed for them.  They would share mutual companionship, love and comfort.

One pastor described the beauty of marriage in this manner: "All that Adam’s nature demanded for it's completion, physically, intellectually, socially, was to be included in this alter ego who was soon to stand by his side. Thus in man’s need, and woman’s power to satisfy that need is laid the foundation for the Divine institution of marriage, which was afterwards prescribed not for the first pair alone, but for all their posterity."

Sin changed the marriage dynamic

Genesis 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 

One of the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin is that the family order God established for the home was tainted by sin. Because of the fall, a wife may desire to dominate her husband.  A wife's condition changed from being the help meet of her husband and the partner of his affections to living in humble subjection. 

The husband's sin tainted response may be to put her "in her place" which is also a result of original sin. 

God emphasized the proper marriage order through Paul.

Ephesians 5:22-24  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23)  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

Parents must teach their children to submit to parental authority, so that they understand that obeying Mom and Dad, is also showing obedience to God. 

In like manner, the wife must learn to submit to her husband in demonstration of her obedience to the Lord. She is not inferior to her husband in any way. God has given the wife different roles and responsibilities to facilitate God honoring family order. A wife is still her husband's helpmeet, best friend (hopefully), closest companion, comforter and completer. 

The picture of the husband and wife relationship is similar to Christ and His church. Thus, as the church follows it's head, Jesus Christ, and obeys Him, the gospel goes out, the world is evangelized, believers are edified and God's kingdom purposes advance. In submitting to her husband, a wife obeys her husband as a demonstration showing her devotion to God. The Divine family order is lived out in honoring the Lord.

Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves His church. 

Ephesians 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

Husbands also have a great responsibility to fulfill their role in a God honoring manner. We must love our wives with the same kind of sacrificial love that compelled Jesus Christ to go to the cross and die for our sins. 

It is a love that is well pleased with her in all things. It is a love that provides and protects, a love that seeks to nurture their relationship with each other and in the Lord. This love comes in part, from each husband submitting to Christ and from the Holy Spirit shedding abroad the love of God in our hearts. 

Loving a wife like Christ loves His church is a tall order for any husband and we will often fall short. But, we must confess our failures to the Lord, get back on our feet and give our best energies to leading our homes aright. Jesus Christ is our model showing us what pure love looks like and we must pursue a Christ like love in our marriage. 

The love of Christ is a cleansing, sanctifying love. 

Ephesians 5:26  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 

Jesus Christ's atoning work on the cross and His glorious resurrection sanctifies and cleanses His church as the word of God is preached, and it acts like a purifying water. Jesus is going to sanctify each born again believer. He is going to present us spotless before the throne of God. 

A husband who loves his wife like Christ loves His church has a love that seeks her good and to do nothing that will hurt her. This Christ like love will lead a husband to do all that he can to advance her well-being.

The love between husband and wife should be pure and clean, before God and man. The husband should set the marriage relationship apart as dedicated to God. 

Husbands love your wife like you love your body. 

Ephesians 5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

The idea here is that the husband loves his wife like his own body because the husband and wife are one flesh, one body united in marriage. As Christ is united with His church, each individual believer has a moral duty to be careful what they do with their bodies (1 Corinthians 6:12-20). 

A Christian husband and wife are united with each other as one flesh and with Christ. Husbands must love and exercise care in how we treat our wife in the same manner that we care for our bodies.  A godly marriage is sought after because a believing husband and wife are both joined with Christ. 

Ephesians 5:29-30  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 

Paul uses the word "nourisheth" which is only used twice in the New Testament, both times in Ephesians. Because husbands are in view in this text, most men  "nourish" their bodies which is the idea weight training, exercising in order to achieve full maturity.  The word "nourisheth" includes proper food and drink but it also encompasses the discipline of education and in the context, growing toward spiritual maturity. 

The other place where the word "nourisheth" is found has to do with fathers training up their children in the ways of the Lord. 

The word "cherisheth" is like a mother hen settled down over her eggs to keep them warm until they reach full term and hatch. The word "cherisheth" literally means to keep warm, to cherish with tender love and care. The only other place this word is found is 1 Thessalonians 2:7 where it has to do with a nurse tenderly caring for the children entrusted to her care. 

Both "cherisheth" and "nourisheth" are used to describe how the Lord Jesus Christ cares for His church. The application is for husbands to love their wives similarly. Paul reminds us that we are joined together in the body of Christ with other believers and with our Lord. 

Thus, the love of God should be manifested within the Christian home, by a husband toward his wife. A wife's love for God is shown by her submission to her husband.   

Ephesians 5:31  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 

Paul circles back to the Divine Order for marriage given in Genesis 2:18-24. A Christian marriage is an opportunity to put the glory of God on display within the context of the husband and wife relationship. 

Our duties are clear. 

Ephesians 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33)  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

Paul tells us about the parallel between Christ loving His church and the church living in submission to it's Head, which mirrors a wife submitting to her husband and her husband loving her like Christ. This is one of the great mysteries and Paul shed some light upon it for us so that we might learn to please God in our marriage. 

Even though some of the mystery is new, hard to grasp and perhaps, not fully revealed, Paul lets us know that the duty of a husband toward his wife and the duty of a wife toward her husband is not a mystery. Husbands are to love their wives like they love themselves because she is a part of him. Wives are to reverence their husbands because this demonstrates her love for God. 

Thoughts to Ponder...

Paul taught us a lot about the first great human sphere of relationships on earth: that of a husband and a wife. 

We see again the beauty of God's design for marriage and we also see that both the husband and the wife will need help from God in order to live these truths out within a marriage. 

Wives will not willingly wish to submit until they learn that doing so shows their love for God and brings Him honor.

Husbands will not be able to love their wives like Christ loves His church unless we yield to the ministry of the Spirit of God with the Word of God in our hearts. 

Even so, God will bless both husband and wife as they pursue these things. It is more difficult for a husband married to an unbelieving wife or a wife married to an unbelieving husband, but God can and will use the testimony of a godly wife or a godly husband to win that lost spouse to Himself. I know because the godly testimony of my wife eventually led me to Christ. 

May the Holy Spirit help us as we seek to honor God in our marriages and may our homes shine with the light of God into a dark world full of broken relationships. 

Bob